She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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