haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize