I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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