went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
