I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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