I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
