you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
