My underwear smells like fireworks.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
