I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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