i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
