Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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