i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
