all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
