It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
