Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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