So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
