im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
