It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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