I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
