There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
