the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
