Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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