I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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