Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
