Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Found your dick twin last night
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think people are normalizing furries
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
