If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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