I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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