It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
