I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
