This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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