I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
