She is in my trunk
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
