as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
