Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
