I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Girls should come with a carfax report
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
