I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
