she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
