I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
