remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
