When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
