for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
