I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
