this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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