so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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