This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
