could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
