I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize