I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
