He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
