is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
