We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
